The Untold Story

So I have decided to tell the untold story of how I feel in love with Ms Candice Michelle Clark. Why you might ask, because it seems to be exactly like the fairy tales. My aunt has always told me that you cant go looking for love that it has to come and find you, and well that's exactly what happened. I wasn't looking for love, in fact I was in a nameless relationship with S when everything changed. CC and I had met before, when she was dating (secretly) MB, we never talked, friends on facebook but never anything more. When MB got pregnant CC did everything, and trust me after all the shit she has been I'm surprised she isn't a bitter emotionless person. Randomly, she messaged me, and at the time I didn't think much of it. We chat and chatted and I gave her my number and then it went from there.

Valentines Day- TB had dumped my ass, I was a mess, and CC decided to come down and cheer me up with MB. We texted the whole time she was there, and the brief time we were in the same room alone i wanted nothing more then to jump her bones. She was amazing. She made me laugh when I wanted to cry, made me smile when I didn't want to, and eased my anger and anxiety. During the time where we were hanging out, me, CC, MB, and wife, I was trying to figure out if CC and MB had gotten back together. Secretly hoping to god that they hadn't.

The baby shower. MB's  baby shower was the next time I would see her. We got to the shower and we were a little early and the stress was written all over her face. She need help. So we helped her set up. I distinctly remember a chair falling on Liam and rushing over to him and just smiling at me holding her son. It was great. Just like everyone else we texted throughout the shower, in which she looked amazing in her bright pink and white shirt. I love that shit. At the end of the shower I hugged her, not wanting to let go, and then softly letting my lips touch this cheek.

At first it was just chatting and random things and questions. Id talk to her from when I first got up to when I passed out. On day I told her I hurt and she respond with want me to kiss it, and I responded the only way I knew how, Yes please. I then proceeded to tell her that I wanted her to kiss it everywhere, and that then lead to conversation that were unimaginably amazing.

A month later and probably after 1,000 of texts, I picked CC up at her apartment and brought both of us up to see MB and Peanut.  At first I was shy. We didn't talk for the first twenty miles of the car ride and actually I texted her to ask if i could hold her hand. She said if i wanted to but it took me about twenty more miles to actually do it. On the way home everything was so much easier, basically leading to hitting 90 on 89, and stopping at the first rest stop on 91. All of this lead to our first kiss!!!!

Easter time. MB was staying at CC's house and I went up on Saturday to visit. All I wanted to do was hold her and snuggle up with her but we were keeping things on the dl so secretly we kissed when no one was looking. That night after I left she when back to her ex, and I was pissed. I was so mad but not really anger more of fear. Would she go back to that? Would she not wait for me to figure out my shit? Would she come back to me? All my anxiety passed the minute I heard from her then next morning and had confirmation that she was still coming to spend the night with me. That night she spent with me was pretty much the deciding factor that there was more than just friends with benefits happening here. I was falling for this girl and needed to figure out my shit.

The explosion. Her ex found a face book message conversation we were having and freaked out. Kicking CC out of her own apartment and pushing her right into my open arm. The second explosion of drama was when I had invited CC to come down and S showed up. I kicked S out and went chasing after CC. This happened the weekend leading into finals week and I took all my finals on Monday and Tuesday, and took a mini vacation to CC's house.


The ask out. After being there for almost 24 hours, CC and I were on the phone with her best friend and I said to her besties boyfriend that "our GIRLFRIENDS were weird" and she was like wait what huh. It was great. After we got off the phone I asked her out officially and that was that. I wanted our anniversary to be the fifth so I waited to ask her a few minutes longer.

And that's the story of us. That is the story of searching for love but letting it find you. Look what I found when I was looking... and to quote the movie finding nemo... "mine. mine. mine. mine"

I love you.

tough love

"All that i'm after is a life full of laughter, As long as i'm laughin' with you, I'm thinkin' 'bout all that still matters is love ever after, After the life we've been through"

Dr. Suess once said "I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me." and I wish that everyone viewed the world this way. I am taking a summer course called The Helping Relationship and although I am learning a lot its hard to try to be a helper when the person who needs the help wont take it.
 
Theres nothing wrong with trying to do things by yourself, healing yourself, surviving on your own, without depending on anything or anyone. And I get that. Independance is a wonderful thing and nessicary to survival but help is help and sometime you have to learn to accept it. I have accepted help and learned from it and those that told me that i needed it were right. Tough love is part of help. You need people in your life that will tell you how it is, where to shove it, make you laugh when you want to cry, and so on and so on. Tough love takes all the sugar of anything being said or thought and just pitches it is in. It might hit the batter, and it might sting a little or a lot, but all the same at the end of the day it was what was needed.
 
However, when there is no one else there is always yourself. And thats where Dr. Suess comes in. When trouble comes your way, keep your eye on the ball and pull it to right feild. Shit happens problems come and as much as I personally would have loved to say screw people i can do this by myself, but I cant, so I found someone Id rather do everything with do something without her and have to fill her in later. Needless to say, tough love and troubles are pretty much part of life, but if i had to pick between going at it alone or with the one that I love, Id pick her everytime.
 
 

lets be real

People come and go and they always leave an imprint on your heart. Today K and I got divorce, and it was her decision which was kinda my plan. I would never leave her and I will always love her, but us saying we were married and were wives wasnt realistic. We have fallen appart since I made being happy and doing things soley for myself a priortity and it hurt our relationship. She is a great girl and deserves the best of friends and to be happy, and maybe Im not that best friend for her. Ive got two of the best friends a girl can ask for and then Ive got the best group of friends that a girl can ask for too. they all fill a role and they all are appart of what make me me. K is no exception, she will be the girl that i randomly text quack too or that i show up in her room with a coffee because if i have learned anything k without coffee is not pretty. K has always excepted me for who I am we just fell out of the spending every waking minute together stage and moved in to a different one. Do i miss those nights? yes. Do I miss her? yes. Do i love her more than she'll know? of course. I admire, respect, trust, and care about this girl. Am I bitter? No. Why? Cause we just took the facebook offical label of our relationship and got real. One of us had to and i respect her for being the one that actually had the pair of balls to do it. So K, when you read this (and I know you will) I LOVE YOU and Ive always got your back.


M- lets get real. life will never be easy, you know that so if that what you are waiting for you are going go to heaven or hell which ever you prefer as a very bitter old lady with a serious knee problem. We all ask you how is it going even though we dont agree with your life becuase we love you and we back your decisions and will always be there for you. But that being said, come on. Get up and do something about it. If you dont like it change it. Make your life worth living, cause I know you and i know you arent happy. And I love you which means ill support you always and forever but get your butt in gear and be that girl i know you are. If he isnt fixing then either you fix ir or say fuck it. And I know its scary and you dont want to becuase when things are good things are good, but you have family and friends who will be there for you and make it good all the time rather than just once or twice a week. You dont deserve to live hoping that today is a good day, you deserve to live knowing when you wake up that no matter what it will be a good day and if its not you are coming home to those that love you no matter what. So, i love you and ill back you no matter what you know this, but Im reverting back to being your RA and saying Put your big girl panties on and make yourself happy! K? Love you mean it <3 me


S- Come on! For a guy that doesnt want to be in a relationship becuase of the time and the stress you certainly put a lot of time into me. You have been here everyday and in a one month period we have only not seen eachother 3 times. Like come one. We do everything a couple does and then some, so lets stop with the i havent taken myself off the market bs and be real. We are together. K pumpkin? :D




you cant wait for happiness, if its not there go make it

Seniors

Dear Seniors,
We left high school four years ago, with a plan, or at least I know I did. I remember walking through the door to room 403, seeing my roommate for the first time, and thinking here we go. Before I knew it my parents were gone and it was just me and my soon to be closest friends. We were all so close, nothing seperated us, we were our own little crew, and no body did anything alone. We rolled down that hallway in the rolly chairs, kept a lizard in the closet, played games in the hall, yell from room to room cause we didnt want to get up, sat with eachother while guys were douches, and for me I was finally able to come out. Ill never forget that night and JT telling me Ill love you no matter who you love. We left freshmen year saying we would be besties forever and while that didnt work out there are few of us that are still here, still making our mark on bay path college. Although our group is seperated we all still have those memories that will be with us forever. Then next two years would fly by and now in our senior year we are all looking back and thinking about what was and what we could have done. There are people we know and there are people we wouldnt know from a whole in the wall. There are those that have hurt us, left us, loved us, and cared about us, there are those that will always be there and those that only hang around for the moment. Forgive and Forget, dont dwell on the past, and remember the words Dr. Suess: "Say what you mean, mean what you say, because those who mind dont matter and those that matter dont mind."

"You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes, You can steer yourself in any direction you choose" Go forth into your future, dont hold back, and dream with everything you have. I challenge you all to look in the mirror. What do you see? Your all probably thinking that you see yourself, but I challenge you to look pass the reflection, and see if you see the same girl that walked on to campus four years ago. Im not the same girl and neither are my friends, we have all changed and grown into amazing people and now after changing bay path, it is our turn to change the world. But never forget where you came from and the place we have all called home, and remember should you get lost amoungst your travels, the path will always be here with the light on incase you get tired of being gone.

<3 me

you make me smile

One word......

KC!!!!!

and Im all smiles