Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Tough Shit!

Linking up with Good Mama. Bad Mouth and tough shit tuesday by posting my tough shits for the week. I guess shit happens and as my girl will tell you "No you don't always get what you want." So its not about me, its not tuesday, and I dont have a drink... tough shit

So its actually Wednesday....TOUGH SHIT!

I wanted to move into grad school after talking to my roommate but she has fallen off the face of the earth therefore its a ducky shower curtain for her...tough shit. Oh and whatever room is bigger is mine bitch. 

My parents are coming this weekend. Id like to tell them Tough Shit i'm gay but that wont happen so its back in the closet for this lesbian. 

I havent had a margarita all fucking summer... tough shit for me and my bartender. blog

I am applying for a scholarship from and they asked that we blog about our dream apartment from their site. So here it goes.

I am going to be a grad student a Plymouth State and lets be realistic paying 4,300 dollars a semester in rent there is not exactly my ideal situation, not to mention this doesn't include a meal plan. I've done the whole having a meal plan thing and honestly would rather cook my own meals then eat crappy sit under a heat lamp, potentially day old, pizza for lunch. My dream place is at Penacook Place because the amenities are decent and the rent is cheap. The draw back to this place is that it is 45 minutes away from my school, however, being closer than close to the city of Concord is an added benefit, seeing as this broke college kid is going to need a job.

The other thing about this place is that it has the option of including two bedrooms. This would give me more space to do homework, entertain, or just plain relax. For me, that second room would be my study. It would be where I did my homework or just laid around and read a good book. I have always wanted to have a library, so I think this would be a cool way to start. However, getting the cheaper apartment labeled the Tilton wouldn't be bad either. There is still ample space and I'd be less likely to collect even more unnecessary belongings.One thing I would love to be able to do is paint the apartment to match my style. Another benefit is that heat is included in the rent. As a self proclaimed hater of snow, sleet, and all other things cold during the winter, having heat included in the rent is an added bonus.
Dream bedroom: Big bed, fluffy comforter, lots of pillows. My bedroom is my safe place and lounging in bed with a good book, or a Harry Potter movie is one of my favorite past times. I also like the idea of designing my own bedroom, and really creating my own space that is different from my cement box dorm room that I currently reside in. The kitchen. Before this summer I would have told you that I can't cook, however, I have managed to learn how to cook, which I love. Having a full kitchen will let me plan and cook meals and the dishwasher will be a life safer because I hate washing dishes. This living room will be where all the movie and t.v. marathons will commence. I am addicted to the t.v. show NCIS and I know that popping a bag of popcorn and curling up on the couch to the wittiness of Anthony big D little i Big N little ozzo will be a definite must. 

The best thing about this place is the pool. I am a swimaholic and would used the pool everyday it was open until the day that it closed for the summer. Whether it be sun bathing, sitting on the edge and reading, or just jumping in for a quick dip, I would put the pool to good use. Not to mention it would be a great spot for me to toss my girlfriend in (won't she love that!).

So basically this kick butt apartment will help this broke college student save some money, have a little fun, oh and I guess I should probably do some homework too!
Here's the link

Sunday, August 21, 2011

you should all read this...

want a laugh, check her out


To Do List

Monday: Work, Pack, unpack, pack car for CC
Tuesday: Work, CC's, Transfer stuff to her car 
Wednesday: Work, Pack, Finish organizing room. 
Thursday: Pack Plymouth stuff, Move it all to garage
Friday: Oil change, Pack car. Target/Walmart/Dollar store trip for random shit. 
Saturday: Drive to CC's. Move to Plymouth. Unpack/organize. Come Back to CCs or stay there not sure yet. 

Aug. 31= classes start!!!!! 

Things I need or need to find:
mechanical pencils
All winter stuff
desk light
winter coat

Ugh. Im over it. I hate that my parents are totally getting into my head and making me second guessing my decision. I know I can do this, I don't understand why they don't believe in me. I'm glad CC and her parents believe in me. At least someone does. 

Friday, August 19, 2011

life update

In short here it goes...

Parental Units: Hate me. Hate my girlfriend. hate that Im gay even though they dont know it yet. followed by hating me going to grad school and hating that I dont want to live with them ever again. Oh I mean cause I am a horrible daughter and all and I dont respect there stuff, i believe it is time for me to come clean, tell them i gay and peace the fuck out. I mean ive pretty much left anyway and whats the big deal if they disown me its not like they give two shits anyway.

friends: i suck. i know. i dont text you back and i rarely have time to give you a full conversation. when life is stressful i hide in my cave but seeing as peter took away my cave im now hiding the the secure walls of CCs house. its safer here. i am loved here. she loves me. her family loves me. and i love her. and i love them. it doesnt mean that i dont love you im just laying low and hiding out. Im not abandoning you, I will be back when my confidence comes back and im not feeling trapped in my house. I am sorry.

CC- I love you. period. And i dont give to shits about my parents. I love you exactly how you are and I would never ask you to change anything.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

mixed up

Today CC looked at me and was like can you blog already and that's when i realized that i've kind of been a slacker recently. Between working and my family, and just hanging out I just forgot about blogging and updating the world on my not so perfect life. 

Home- At home, I have parents who are disappointed that I am going to grad school and who are beyond crushed that I am taking out student loans to pay for school. Does this make sense? Well to them yes. They paid for my undergraduate degree and thanks to them I don't have student loans. However, getting my master degree was going to happen no matter what, so why wait a year? And I have never asked them to pay for it. And I don't want them to. Is it going to cost me a lot sure, but really all I am asking for is for them to be in my corner and to support me. My brother this weekend told me I was hiding and my father has said the same thing. But telling them I'm gay and that I plan on marrying a woman isnt going to go well. I can feel it. Everyone says they are your parents and they love you no matter what. However, I stand by what i remember and I remember everything about the conversation I had with my dad when he told me that he would beat me till I'm straight again. sooo... yeah. I'm not telling them until i have nothing to lose. Till I have my own car that isn't in there name. Actually the car isn't that big a deal. I'm just scared. I'm thinking about writing a letter to them before i leave to grad school and just leaving it at that but i don't know. I don't know what to do, because after all these years I don't have a relationship with my parent, which is primarily my fault because i don't talk to them. But I can never do anything right. I just don't know anymore because we just don't see eye to eye on anything. I think it is also hard when you have so much support else where. CC's mom has pretty much taken me in as her own and has been a rock for me even before she even knew me. The other day she referred to me as her daughter. :) She has my back and CC's dad apparently likes me too. And they support CC and I through and through which means a lot. 

What are you suppose to say when you have everything you have ever wanted? What is suppose to come next when you think you have perfection? I don't know. I didn't think I would ever feel like this. That these feelings I have and this smile on my face could ever exist but they do. She is my everything. She is aviator shades driving my car. She is ipod pass word that just keeps changing. She the girl under my hood and who fixes my car. She is the girl that cuddles me when I'm sad but loves to be cuddled before bed. She is the manly-est little spoon with the girly-est sneezes. And I am head over heals because she is amazing. I don't know what i did to get her. I'm not the best of people, I've done my fair share of not so great things. I've said mean things, blown off people, and was cynical beyond belief. How did i get her? She picked me and she waited and waited for me to pick her. And I'm glad I did, and Id pick her tomorrow, next week, and forever if she will let me. <3 

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!