"my clinician told me to..."

MKB (aka fuckhead) - Just a heads up the VT state police might be calling you ... but not for you

(enter missed call from restricted number and one new voice message)

Me: Why?

MKB- Because I want my computer and other things back

Me: So ask for them

MKB: I have multiple times since Easter

Me: No you haven't because we have seen you multiple times since Easter and you haven't said anything. and do you really think that she is keeping your shit from you on purpose? Come on. All you have to do is legit ask for it and you know she would bring it to Rebecca's. Make me a list and text it to me. I cant believe you brought the state police into this instead of asking me your mom or her mom.

MKB: I have asked my mom several times and she wont get involved unless its a drop off spot...my clinician TOLD me to do this and had me do it in her office and CC knows i have asked for it, I have the texts that ive wanted it.

Me: CC doesn't have a phone. I'm not okay being involved with this either. I'm not okay with you giving them my number and I'm even more not okay with the fact that you haven't asked me for your stuff because you know I would get it for you

MKB: I know she doesn't have one and i told them that. I'm sorry for involving you and doing what i was told to do... but Stacey felt that this was the appropriate route

Me: You have some nerve giving them my number. I'm beyond pissed. you could have called me or asked me for your shit. you could have called and asked me if it was okay. And you have Bonnie's number you could have called her or gave them her number . Send me what you want back and Ill do my best to find it this weekend.

MKB: my laptop and diamond Sapphire necklace

Me: the necklace might be hard cause i haven't seen it. any guess to where it might be?

MKB: last i knew it was in the car

Me: great cause that's the best place for it. after this is over you both need to grow up and learn to communicate because I'm so sick of this shit

MKB: OK

Me: see it wasn't so hard to ask me for it but now i have to deal with the state police

MKB: I will take care of it, Stacey said not to go to you about it

Me: well you did the minute you gave them my number which is far worse then coming to me and say 'hey Sam CC and I had a falling out and I would really like my laptop and necklace back do you think you could get them to my mom. Its not that fucking hard

MKB: She said it was going to be easier to do it this way then to go through CC's girlfriend who may already be blinded of the situation and whats gone on since Easter. she didn't even want me to give you a heads up that we made the phone call

Me: I know everything. Every text, every phone call, every facebook message, i know everything and blindsiding me with the state police was probably your stupid idea yet.

MKB: Perhaps but its what was agreed upon as being best to have no connections or ties, have my belongings back and just be done

Me: so fucking ask me for them don't call the police freak me out and drag me into this. And no ties and connections is what you'll get. Ill get your stuff to your mom by Sunday when i leave town then I'm done. Tell Alex i love her and I'm sorry but you crossed a line.

MKB: OK

Her fb status later: love doesn't me absent so shut the fuck up

Basically, state police called told either me or CC to call them back. So I did. When I talked to the officer this conversation had already happened. I told the officer that I would be bring the stuff to her moms by Sunday when I left town. I also informed him that I was aware that MKB told him that she was trying to get her stuff since Easter and that there are more then enough witnesses that will confirm that she was staying at CC primary residence for Easter weekend and therefore could have gotten her stuff. On top of that on May 5th, CC and I went up to visit Madison in Burlington and Lunt (where she lives) would be able to confirm that. 

Needless to say I was less then impressed, so when I got to Vermont, talked to her mom and CC's mom, it was pretty much determined that neither of us wanted anything to do with fuckhead. I brought her stuff, necklace included to her moms and then took a picture and sent it to her. I am done. I don't give two shits about her or her immaturity anymore and I will totally enjoy sitting back and watching her suffer the consequences of her actions cause pissed of mama and papa Clark is never a good thing. Papa Clark is going to talk to the trooper that called me and mama Clark is being less then friendly. oh and her own mom is peeved too... 

So.... my clinician told me to flip her off and tell her to go screw herself, so I did. 

FB statuses

me: watching a movie and playing scrabble because "my clinician told me to"

K: went to dunks because "my clinician told me to"

CC: yelling across the hall to my bro because "my clinician told me to"

MM: posting the redic status because "my clinician told me to."

emotion

abandoned

helpless

alone

pathetic

hurt

broken

bruised

anxious

angry

dissapointed

decieved

worthless

meaningless

Fuck You Callahan

Letter to Someone

First of all I'd like to say FUCK YOU! Fuck you and your bullshit. Fuck you and your games. Fuck you and your meaningless words. You said you wouldnt leave till I wanted you too. You said that you wanted to be apart of my life. You said you liked me. You lied. Just like before you lied. Well guess what I lied to. You said you were waiting for me to find someone else who was better than you and I said that I didnt know if and when that would happen but guess what, I did. I found someone better. She makes me happy. She makes me do that same dopey girl grin that you used to give me. She will take care of me. She wont make me cry. And she wont leave me in the dark waiting to see if she will be gone before I know it. Best of all, she cares about me. But guess what, and this is what makes me more pathetic than you, I still care about you. I still like you. You still give me butterflies. You still make me nervous. I still light up when your name was on my caller id. And I'd still wait for you.

So you lasted a week and two days this time. Congratulations. Better than you've ever done before. Should we throw you a party? I can get you a balloon? All sarcasm aside. You suck. You suck for hurting me over and over again. And I, the stupid girl, let you. I'm done being the girl you shit on. Im done being the girl you try to figure out who you like. I'm just done. It hurts to much to look at you, to think about you, to dream about you, or at least it use too. But not this time. This time you left me with nothing but anger. You said you werent worth crying over and you are right. You already walked out the door and I hope it didnt hit you too hard on the way out. So enjoy your ex. I hope it works I truely do. I hope he doesnt hurt you and if he does I hope you learn enough to walk away and say enough is enough. Dont be me. Dont give second chance after second chance because you'll end up crying over somone who isnt worth it, just like me. This is where I walk away.

FFFUUUUCCCCKKKKK

AHHHHHH!!!!! EPIC FAIL!!! Literally, EPIC FAIL!!! Damn it!

Blasting my music ridiculously loud on the bus trying to get my head totally focused on the game. Elms. The team to beat, the team to piss off, the girl that got away. I got of the bus blasting Riot by Three Days Grace, and walked in the gym with my total pissed off game face on, and I thought it would get me through. It failed. I knew from the moment I walked in she was there and that when it started. I tried to keep it together but I couldnt do it. I ended up crying in the bathroom and taking a mini walk to clear my head. KB's boyfriend met me in the hall and was like,"its okay clear your head and play your game." So then KB and I went to warm up right near her. She didnt even look at me and I think that hurt more. After the game, was probably the most nerve wracking because that would be the first time we would be eye to eye. After the exchange of good games, KB and I ran over to RJ our old coach who came to watch us play. It was good to have that distraction, to have something else to focus on. After the game, I was holding the door for some of the Elms people and KC walked by said thanks and I totally ignored her. I didnt know what to say or do. I just stood there like a deer in the head lights.

We got on the bus and I looked at my phone there was a text from her saying she was sorry. I freaked. She is sorry, she doesnt even know what she did to me to even start to say sorry. And we get to do take two of this whole thing on the 20th. I dont know if I can take the anxiety but I want nothing more that to beat the shit out of Elms, look good doing it, and make KCs head turn.

Till then its love and basketball.... and I hate that I dont hate her.

Shot 18- I hate that I dont hate you

24

Waiting on a chance, for love or hate, right now it seems to be more like hate then it will ever be love because i can just sit here and wait or turn and run.... 


Shot ten: heads or tales?

slip away

You asked me how many times I cried,

And the answer is too many

You wanted to know the fear I felt,

And I was scared always,

If I ever let go,

She'd drown on her own

And that was more than I could bare.

Would she wake,

Would she Breathe

Wiping away the tears from her cheek,

Her kiss so sweet

Her touch so soft,

But with every hit

And every shot

She slipped like sand through my fingers.