Brah

 "Sports remain a great metaphor for life's more difficult lessons. It was through athletics that many of us first came to understand that fear can be tamed; that on a team the whole is more than the sum of its parts; and that the ability to be heroic lies, to a surprising degree, within." -Susan Casey

Athletics. Story of my life. Athletics have shaped me into who I am. They taught me control, they taught me team work and work ethic, they taught me how lose with dignity, and how to win with grace. They taught me sportmanship is different from gamemanship and they even when you arent on playing field both play a significant role in your life. Even though I have learned these things it doesnt mean that I have done them or done them well. I work hard. I work hard at school, my job, and my relationships. For years everyone thought that I just did it all and didnt work at it, mainly my parents, until they realized that it was more then what i did during the day but what i did when the doors were closed and the sun had gone down. Okay, so that was a mini tangent. Back to the point of this posting. Two key things in athletics is sportmanship and gamesmanship. Sportmanship is doing your best and playing to the best of your ability without degrading your opponent. This is why we shake hands at the end of a game, help someone up when there down, and not trash talk the opponent. Gamesmanship is different. Gamesmanship is doing something to give yourself an advantage. So basically cheating and not saying anything about.

Sportsmanship and Gamesmanship arent just in athletics, they are in relationships too. Relationships are teams. For example JT, L, and I are a team... team nose goes. M, BB, and I are a team... team too many boys (them not me).... K and I are a team... team wife, CC and I are a team (duh), and A and I are a team... team sismance. With all these teams there is some serious sportmanship and in each team its pretty much the same. Protective against outsiders, help up when someone knocks them on thier ass, kiss and make up at cant the end of a fight, and so on. In all of these teams, there cant be gamesmanship. You cant force an upper hand, you cheat your friends out to get ahead, it doesnt work that way.

This I have learned. I cant fight my way out of the bromance relationship that is between K and CC, because well its funny and its important. However, I will say as the wife I reserve the right to stand outside my wifes door and ask if Marco wants pizza. And just becuase the sismance doesnt discuss sex fully yet, we have a look. And you "brahs" dont know the look, and you should also thank us... why? because by having the sismance, you dont have to listen to us bitch about the emotional mumbo jumbo of relationships. So youre welcome. Also, the best part of having a wife is that she knows me and can disciepher my b.s. to my ever loving girlfriend. I think that A and I's sis mance is should really just be label as translators. Becuase we translate the emotions into short sentences the "brahs" understand.

We should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid. So are regrets. — Marilyn Monroe



NCIS

I am in love with NCIS. This will not surprise many of you but I am seriously in love with this show. No matter how many time I see an episode I still laugh at all the funny jokes and one liners.

Big D little i Big N little ozzo. dinozzo. funny man. never really know what he is going to do or say. serial dater. pretty much my B.

Magee- the smart one. and the one thats picked on. basically M.

Ziva- the female enforcer. feel like thats my role. everyone hides behind the tall kid. I guess i could kick some serious ass if i need too.

Gibbs- the adult. acts like a kid at time dropping some good one liners. knows everything... JT (there is no fooling this girl)

Abbie- analitical mind. caffine addiction. talk a mile a minute if you get her going. K for sure.

away from ncis, Im introducing CC to my aunt and uncle next week and they are excited and I am excited but i dont think she is. she wants to impress them but all they care about is if she makes me happy and she does that just by texting me in the morning. In case you couldnt tell blogging world, I am in LOVE with this crazy beautiful girl with the terrifying father. Litterally.

<3

lets be real

People come and go and they always leave an imprint on your heart. Today K and I got divorce, and it was her decision which was kinda my plan. I would never leave her and I will always love her, but us saying we were married and were wives wasnt realistic. We have fallen appart since I made being happy and doing things soley for myself a priortity and it hurt our relationship. She is a great girl and deserves the best of friends and to be happy, and maybe Im not that best friend for her. Ive got two of the best friends a girl can ask for and then Ive got the best group of friends that a girl can ask for too. they all fill a role and they all are appart of what make me me. K is no exception, she will be the girl that i randomly text quack too or that i show up in her room with a coffee because if i have learned anything k without coffee is not pretty. K has always excepted me for who I am we just fell out of the spending every waking minute together stage and moved in to a different one. Do i miss those nights? yes. Do I miss her? yes. Do i love her more than she'll know? of course. I admire, respect, trust, and care about this girl. Am I bitter? No. Why? Cause we just took the facebook offical label of our relationship and got real. One of us had to and i respect her for being the one that actually had the pair of balls to do it. So K, when you read this (and I know you will) I LOVE YOU and Ive always got your back.


M- lets get real. life will never be easy, you know that so if that what you are waiting for you are going go to heaven or hell which ever you prefer as a very bitter old lady with a serious knee problem. We all ask you how is it going even though we dont agree with your life becuase we love you and we back your decisions and will always be there for you. But that being said, come on. Get up and do something about it. If you dont like it change it. Make your life worth living, cause I know you and i know you arent happy. And I love you which means ill support you always and forever but get your butt in gear and be that girl i know you are. If he isnt fixing then either you fix ir or say fuck it. And I know its scary and you dont want to becuase when things are good things are good, but you have family and friends who will be there for you and make it good all the time rather than just once or twice a week. You dont deserve to live hoping that today is a good day, you deserve to live knowing when you wake up that no matter what it will be a good day and if its not you are coming home to those that love you no matter what. So, i love you and ill back you no matter what you know this, but Im reverting back to being your RA and saying Put your big girl panties on and make yourself happy! K? Love you mean it <3 me


S- Come on! For a guy that doesnt want to be in a relationship becuase of the time and the stress you certainly put a lot of time into me. You have been here everyday and in a one month period we have only not seen eachother 3 times. Like come one. We do everything a couple does and then some, so lets stop with the i havent taken myself off the market bs and be real. We are together. K pumpkin? :D




you cant wait for happiness, if its not there go make it

Wife

So this semester has had its highs and lows. C and I are done, and this time it wasnt cause she was walking away. I walked away from her. I said I couldnt do this anymore. I couldnt be everything to everyone and have nothing for myself. Thats how I started the semester. Feeling like anything I chose to do for myself would inevitably make my life hell with my friends. The recent thing putting a smile on my face is my girlfriend. What I didnt know is that picking her would lead to me losing the person I cared about most. I get defensive when I feel like I have to pick between being happy and being everything to everyone else. And trust me, ask those who have made me choose and they will tell you that they lost. I am the type of person that feels like I have given everything I have to everyone else, so the one time I take everyones advice and do something for me and it blows up in my face makes me feel angered. I respond to peoples actions, you give me attitude and Ill give it right back. Just ask my parents. Recently, my wife and I have done nothing but fight. Usually we fight about the ducks, stainless steal, and the horrible ex's (or ex interests) in our lives, mostly mine becuase I keep them around. She asked me not to talk about my girlfriend with her when we first started dating, so when TB came to see me and she heard it from another source, she flipped on me. She wouldnt really talk to me and she wouldnt answer her phone and by the time she did i was so irritated it didnt matter. I felt like she was making me pick, it was TB or her. Normally I would pick her anyday of the week, and I have, over and over again. So many people told me she is just a stupid freshmen, that she doesnt understand, and that she is too up in my shit, and my normal responce has been to tell them to fuck off. The world of bay path college has that we were dating or at least fucking, and well little did they know that the only thing her and I were doing was planning out my dream kitchen.

Yet I havent found the right words to explain to her that I am truely happy. I dont feel like I owe TB anything or have to live up to her standard. She makes me feel loved in a way that K couldnt. K loves me as her wife which translates to best friend that we can live together forever if we dont find that perfect relationship. TB is the other part of that puzzle. K thinks that I am going to leave her and she keeps giving me reason to runaway but honestly she can push as hard as she want and im not going anywhere, i just wish she believed me. I know her friends dont get it, and think that Im not putting an effort into it but what they dont get and I hate to say this but because they are freshmen, they havent figured it all out. Wait till next year when they all live in seperate places and with different people. It becomes hard to balance your friends, and when your group of friends divide and your stuck in the middle where do you go, and on top of all of that you are playing superwoman to a mall all womens college and being everything to everyone. Thats when coming over at 1:00 am isnt so crazy. I havent seen K in ages and it sucks. I miss her. I miss us just laying there watching the nanny and her picking on me for my endless laughter at fran and niles, but Im scared to see her. I dont want to hurt her by being all glowy and gushy over TB.

I know she has my back and wouldnt leave me but in the past few weeks I have felt abandoned by her, and that for the first time I couldnt tell my best friend everything. And that feeling needs to go away. This all needs to change, but I dont know how to get us back without us both being defensive and hurt.

Seniors

Dear Seniors,
We left high school four years ago, with a plan, or at least I know I did. I remember walking through the door to room 403, seeing my roommate for the first time, and thinking here we go. Before I knew it my parents were gone and it was just me and my soon to be closest friends. We were all so close, nothing seperated us, we were our own little crew, and no body did anything alone. We rolled down that hallway in the rolly chairs, kept a lizard in the closet, played games in the hall, yell from room to room cause we didnt want to get up, sat with eachother while guys were douches, and for me I was finally able to come out. Ill never forget that night and JT telling me Ill love you no matter who you love. We left freshmen year saying we would be besties forever and while that didnt work out there are few of us that are still here, still making our mark on bay path college. Although our group is seperated we all still have those memories that will be with us forever. Then next two years would fly by and now in our senior year we are all looking back and thinking about what was and what we could have done. There are people we know and there are people we wouldnt know from a whole in the wall. There are those that have hurt us, left us, loved us, and cared about us, there are those that will always be there and those that only hang around for the moment. Forgive and Forget, dont dwell on the past, and remember the words Dr. Suess: "Say what you mean, mean what you say, because those who mind dont matter and those that matter dont mind."

"You have brains in your head, you have feet in your shoes, You can steer yourself in any direction you choose" Go forth into your future, dont hold back, and dream with everything you have. I challenge you all to look in the mirror. What do you see? Your all probably thinking that you see yourself, but I challenge you to look pass the reflection, and see if you see the same girl that walked on to campus four years ago. Im not the same girl and neither are my friends, we have all changed and grown into amazing people and now after changing bay path, it is our turn to change the world. But never forget where you came from and the place we have all called home, and remember should you get lost amoungst your travels, the path will always be here with the light on incase you get tired of being gone.

<3 me

Thankful

"Come Lord Jesus, lets be bless, and let these gifts to us be blessed. Amen"

This is my familys prayer and it has been in my family for decades, and honestly I never thought Id ever have a connection to it like I do right now. The gift is life. The ability to hang out with friends and family, go to school, play sports, have fun, and just be. For the last two days I have been in a funk, in a mood, and this mood included feeling of anger, fear, frustration, and irratation. Now I play basketball better when I am angry but me playing angry and frustrated and irratated is not a good compo and I have been playing this way for the last two days and I cant shake it. I am in pain. My body is crapping out on me, my basketball team is falling apart at the seems, and the few things that I have going well in my life contradict one another. I learned today that one of my friends slipped on ice hit her already damaged head, broke two ribs, and was having seizures last night, and suddenly my prespective on everything changed. As much as this can all be over in a minute, all we have to live for is now, but pushing till the max will only increase the risk of not being able to live the life you want to live in the future. So for now I am greatful and thankful that she is okay and eventually with time will be better than okay. Now may be the time to put me first. To put basketball on the back burner and focus on the future. Focus on being able to walk down the isle and chase my kids around. What is more important? Walking in the future or basketball now?

time

Gibb taught me to never say your sorry, its a sign of weakness. I dont know what to think about KC's apology.

 "I just want you to know I never meant to hurt you. Sorry. I’m so sorry I just knew I couldn’t do it.

Be just friends. Because I like you.  Im sorry and I know. I told you from day one that im not good.

I know it not enough but im sorry. I really am sorry like I feel terrible.

I know nothing bad comes from being friends but you don’t understand me. I swear I never meant to hurt you like I did. "

I said a lot inbetween all of this, and i practically freaked when she said she liked me. This is all Im going to put here on this blog but the jist of our converstation has been saved and the only one who will read it is me and M. I dont know what to do or say or how to feel. I'm  just going through the motions. I still get that dopey grin but Im cautious. I dont want to set myself up for heartbreak once again. Im waiting for her to disappear, waiting for her to run, and Im trying so hard not to get my hopes up that she will be around for a while.

Time will tell, and right now I dont know if time is going to be in my favor.

catch up

Okay here is whats been going on in my life, everything you probably wanted to know but didnt want to know all at the same time. So my friends are good kinda.

C and I have had  our ups and downs this past few weeks, and we are good now but we still have to learn how to communicate with eachother. I am the type of person where I dont say what I need and I just kinda let things happen and never ask for anything. I dont say when I need things and when I do need things I go inside myself or I relay only people who already know whats going on. Basically the night I messed my knee up was the same day that really hard for me and well after that weekend from hell, S came over and really treated like a queen. C and I were fighting and the entire bus ride home from the games and then we were fighting because C needed me and I needed S. It was a miscommunitcation and we have since fixed it but we are still working on things, and now C is home and I am home and I hate that she isnt right down the hall cause being home sucks.

K and I are stilll trying to work on things. We are still married, but things have gotten hard. K likes me, I know she does, and she and I are both trying not cross that line because we know its not going to happen. Dating K would be easy, it would be easy for us to do, but it wouldnt be fair. I dont feel the same way she does and I cant do that to her. I love her and I would do anything for her but I couldnt date her nor would I subject her to the horribleness that is dating me. Trust me K, you dont want to date me. I hope our marriage works becuase I really like my wife and I really want to keep her.

JT and L. I miss my girls. I miss all the time we spent together, so my new years resolution is to spend more time with them.

As you probably gathered from my previous posts, T and I arent talking. It took me ages to figure out what we were actually fighting about and once I did I know it was a big misunderstanding. Somethings are just better left misunderstood. Im not going to explain it, but I miss her. I know we dont have anything, but I do miss her. I miss the feeling of her arms around me but I dont miss the walking on egg shells feeling I had with her. Now its just me and basketball, and her and basketball, and that probably a good thing. I hope we can fix us, but I dont have the energy to fight her or fight with her. You win some you lose some, Im just going to let this one work itself out.
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So love. I quit. I quit girls. haha who am I kidding. KC is being KC. She is a douche. I finally got the memo that she is a douche and I deserve better, and right now she is playing the I am trying to be straight card and honestly Ill let her ride that one out for a while cause I dont really feel like telling her yeah no your gay. But then again everyone says that about me and I still hold out on me and S.

And now I am currently watching the Nanny and eating cookies and oh studying for final exams. FUCK MY LIFE. I dont get the girl instead I get a knee injury, a stomach virus, a sinus infection, and now I finally can take my exams and guess what I dont want too!!!   I wish there was more to tell you about my life. oh except 100%  sober I told E that her gf didnt have to worry about E hooking up with a boy because if she did hook up with anyone it would be me. I dont know what got into me but well E was speachless and on top of it all, she didnt say anything. Maybe the break will be a little more interesting.

things to remember about 2010

Things to remember about 2010

1. Kamp
2. Basketball 2010-2011
3. 21st birthday
4. Rome
5. KC
6. Nights with scott.
7. ABBIE!
8. times with C
9. JT and A engagement party
10. Drinks with M and BB
11. Times with wright hall RAs
12. Shopping with Jess and Laurel (platos :D)
13. Running
14. Nanny with Kayla
15. "You are the only exception" even now.

trust

God would never give you more than you can handle. My typical responce... I just wish he didnt trust me so much. I am not a spiritual person by far, and I can probably name everytime that I looked at the sky saying "really!" I dont look to "the big man upstairs" for any advice or guiding signs but I have to say I do admire his trust in me. He trusts me more than I trust myself usually and as much I want to march my ass up there wring his neck and say cut the shit, I know at the end of the day Ill be right here, accepting every challenge with this quirky smirk on my face. I just wish we could trust people as much as the world trusts us. With everything each and everyone of us is dealt, every card, every bad hand, up and down, high and low, with everything going on we are a lot stronger then any of us know, we just need to have faith and trust. Trust in ourselves, trust in our families, and most importantly trust in our friends. It is our friends that are the glue that holds everything together even when we feel like everything is falling apart, they are there. Trust in them. Go to them. Love them. Be honest with them, and you will see its as easy as being honest with yourself.

Shot Seventeen: trust is trust

blessed

Have you ever just wanted to scream at the people in your life, "pick me, choose me, love me!" Right now i feel like Im in a room, screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody even looks up, nevermind listening. I tell my friends that i love them all the time cause i truely believe that if you dont say it than they wont know and I always want my friends to know that at the end of the day no matter what i will always love them. however in terms of people i have dated I have only told four people that i l word them. No Im not talking about lesbian, Im talking actually saying I love you. I pride myself on my ability to count the number of girls on one hand.


I told E that and she will never let me forget it. She looked at me one night and said "do you really love me". And well yes I really love her. I will always love her and could never leave her alone in the world, but Ive also gotten to the point where i have a quote for everything and everyone. Now I have more than one quote for but the ones that stick out the most are "Someimes I might hate you but I will always love you" and "I want to give up on you, but I'm afraid no one else loves you like I did, and I love you too much to leave you alone like that, no matter how much you deserve it." And I am totally scared that no one loves her like I do, and I want nothing more than for her to love me back but I have come to terms with the fact that she never will love me like i love her. 


Next on the list of girls who never picked me but in my opinion should have picked me is KC. I dont understand that girl and I dont know if I ever will. As much as I would really like to be like fuck you to her I cant. I cant walk away. But the quote I would want to say to her is really long but here it is anyway. After all of this all I can hear are those meaningless cliches about having your heart ripped out of your chest. I should have known, I should've seen it coming straight at me like a speeding car but I didn't and I got hit hard and you (the driver) backed up only to make sure I wouldn't move again before speeding off. I should've seen it but i was blinded by the color of your eyes every time they met mine. call me a sucker, call me a loser, call me a creep call me anything! just don't ignore me anymore. i should have listened to the voices telling me to stay away but i shrugged them off because all i could hear were your words that are now so useless, i ignored the voices in my head warning me about you for your thousand watt smile, perfectly colored hair and cute little button nose. now i cant even look at you it hurts like ripping out a tooth unmedicated. i don't want to hear your soft sweet voice anymore, i don't want to see your unforgettable eyes again so take your beautiful face and go away but before you do can i please have my heart back? and can you take out the knife? because i don't want it (or you)." And if she were to show back up in my life and know exactly what i would do. I would go all googoo gaga and dopey smile and all fall head over heals again for that girl.


And lastly theres T. Oh god T. I wish i could explain to her every thought and idea and imaginary thing in my head but not only would she probably not want to hear it I probably wouldnt have the proper words to say. T makes me feel safer than I have felt in a long time. I can be 100% vulnerable with her and not feel like I need to have an escape route or back up plan. I appreciate her for everything she's done for me, everyhug, every smile, everytime she's said I've got you girlie. But here's the thing, T is my exception. I told her at the beginning of the year, dont date bay path girls unless your willing to risk it all, and well Im pretty sure that she is my exception. Now I know she is reading this and I dont know what she will be thinking but I cant imagine my life without her in it and I cant believe how blessed I am that she stuck around knowing she was my exception.


And for C, K, J, JT, L, B, and M- "I was alone, angry and weird... until I met a group of people that didn't mind that I was alone angry and weird. They even loved me for it. So, I can't replace them and I can't imagine my life without them" and with out these girls I would be totally lost in the world. I have the best friends a girl could ask for. Im so glad that I have had the chance to become such good friends with C. Her and I are so close I promise that her and I will be friends till we are old and senile, and then every day we will be new friends but we will still be best friends. K is the best wife... quack quack. Win! And the rest of the girls know how much i truely love and care about them. I wouldnt be me with out them. 


So at the end of it all Im one lucky girl and as pissed at the world as I am I know that I am truely blessed to have love and lost, laughed and cried, gotten drunk and been the DD, and at the end of the day when the world is falling from under me I have so many hands reaching out to catch me while I fall. I am truely blessed. 


<3 Sam

faith

If things in the blog havent been making sense I apologize. I have been on a emotional rollarcoaster of highs and lows this week and spent most of my time laying in bed trying hard not to fall apart. K and C have been trying really hard to get me to cry and i wont do it. I cant set my self up to be vulnerable. I dont want to be broken any more. C has been trying to get me to talk about it because she knows me and she knows that bottling shit up isnt going to be good but there was no chance in hell I was going to talk anything through this weekend. This weekend I just needed space.

Now you might be asking what happened and now that it has been released by the press and offically hit facebook I feel as though anything I say now wont hurt. On friday my mom called to inform me that my high school basketball coach was being indited for rape. Yes you read that right. RAPE! nine years after the alledged incident happened this girl is now pressing charges. Now Im all for standing up and admitting that this happened to you but I just dont believe it. I know my coach both on and off the floor. He is a good man, a good father, and a good role model. It just doesnt make sense. It makes me angry. Angry at him, angry at her. I just dont know exactly what to do. I know I support my coach, I have to. He supported us for all those years and never asked for anything in return. Coach always knew when I was upset and there were many times where I felt like he knew that I wasnt as perfect as the picture I painted for everyone. Almost like he saw me when I felt lost and broke. Now dont get me wrong, he and I fought like cats and dogs most days and there was one day for sure that he sent me home from a game in tears and I swore i wouldnt speak to him. That lasted a practice untill he made me smile and apologized. At the end of a five year love hate relationship, I left that gym feeling exactly how I felt coming in. I accomplished something, I played JV when I was in eighth grade and I was more than just someone on the bench when I played varsity. All I wanted to do was play for coach and having the chance to play for him for five years was an adventure that I wouldnt trade for the world.

And now he is in a lot of trouble and I dont know what to do. I was angry and sad, now Im just lost and confused. There has been an overwhelming amount of support for him on facebook but the news media is ripping him a new one. This has consumed every free minute of my brain since friday. Every free throw, suicide drill, and anything else basketball related all I could think about was him. By the end of the weekend I was questioning everything and it wasnt until monday that I realized that I didnt need to over analyze it I knew how I felt. So right now there is nothing I can do but hope that everything ends in his favor and that its all a bunch of bullshit. And if he is convicted I dont know what I will do or how Ill react but I will conquer that bridge when I get there.

turn the car around

How many times can I break till I shatter?

Over the line can't define what I'm after

I always turn the car around

Give me a break let me make my own pattern

All that it takes is some time but I'm shattered

I always turn the car around

I cant do this anymore. Im not asking for a lot, I just want things to be okay and well right now they arent okay. Id say that it is what it is but its not. i dont know how to explain how i feel or why i feel this way i just do. I want everything to be okay but its not okay. KC is pulling her usual disappearing act, JT's engagement party went off without a hitch and it was amazing to see how in love her and A are, shit hit the fan at home and I dont even feel like I should care about it but i do. I have all these emotions and i dont even know how to process them. E and I have been chatting and things are kinda okay, and basketball has started and I cant move. Im so sore. But a good sore, like working my ass off and feeling good sore. And in the mist of all this I was finally able to look at C and say that even though i feel like everything if falling from under me i know im okay and I can say Im okay becuase for the first time in a while I was upset and I didnt feel the need to slice and dice as I like to call it. 

I remember last summer watching an episode of the L word and Shane says that she feels like everyone wants something from me and I have nothing left to give, and well thats me. I feel like I have given everything I have to everything else and there is never time for me and at the end of it all i know my friends always tell me to take time for me and to just say no, but i never seem to be able to. For the first time in years I have something stable: I have K, J, T, C, L, and JT and even as it comes crashing down Im still standing and they are still there and its an amazing feeling.      

Shot fifteen: breaking down doesnt mean breaking even

piece by piece

So getting sick was a bad idea, really bad idea. As it turns out most of my weekend was just one bad idea. Where to start.... ummmm yeah. So I feel like shit both physically and emotionally. Physically Ive managed to catch a cold from hell, and this was the weekend that I couldnt afford to feel like shit. Friday and Saturday were fine and then on Sunday I was dead to the world. I saw E this weekend. That would be the bad idea number 1, or was it. I dont know, I feel like Im not thinking for myself becuase Im trying to listen to everyone elses opinions about her. I know my friends dont like her becuase of all the shitty things that she has done and the way she makes me feel. But all the same it comes down to this: I love her and I will always love her, and she is trying. She is trying to be there more than she ever has before and maybe thats a sign that things are changing and there is a chance that she might actually pick me over anything else. Now I know everyone is thinking that this is a waste of my time that she will never pick me and that at the end of it all Ill end up with exactly what i have now, a broken heart. Heres the thing, part of me says i dont care, and the other part of me says that listening to everyone else might not be a bad idea this time. Ive always done things alone and never really let anyone in and as much as my friends know me and many of them get the no filter Sam, E has seen something else. She has seen me with my gaurd down, 100% vulnerable, angry, happy, sad, crying, screaming, everything. She may not be able to give me 100% but having her rub my back on friday was all I needed to feel like she loved me. Do I know what will happen... no, can I even predict what will happen... not a chance, but what will my decision be, who knows. Im just trying to figure it all out, piece by piece.

Shot Thirteen: Piece by piece... bit by bit.

Friends for a Lifetime

Friends... their hard to come by but when you find them, trust me never let them go. I have amazing friends. JT and L, are my "i wanna fix everything girls" who know me inside and out and still love me. We have enjoyed the cruz together, phase ten, and just three amazingly epic years together. I wouldnt trade them in for the world because they would never leave me high and dry and I will always be there for them. And then there is C. C is fun, crazy, and if you asked me freshman year if her and I would be friends my answer would have been no. But here we are in our senior year, and she gets me. She gets me without having to ask a million questions or need a million answers, she just gets it. She can hold me while I cry, snap me out of a freak out, and is just there for a lot of laughs. C tells me she will most likely run cause thats what she does and I just keep telling her that I can out run her and I really will. I dont want her to run away from being friends with me, and I will chase after her cause I have never had a bond with someone like this. As if my good friends couldnt get any better, I have K and J. I call K my wife, and we just clicked when we first met. She laughs with me, talks to me, and we just enjoy eachothers company. K is easy to talk to and I know I can tell her anything without hesitation. j is my basketball buddy, and we have a high school musical relationship. Im Vanessa and she is Troy and we are eachothers motivators. She makes me run and work hard and I do the same for her.


Shot Five: Friends are forever... no matter where you are.

life is good...

So it might be a surprise to read but life is good. Like really good. Ive got good friends, great teammates, and I couldnt ask for more. I would be lost without JT, L, C, K, B, M, T, and J. I really would be lost without them and I couldnt have asked for better friends.