Tuesday, October 12, 2010

piece by piece

So getting sick was a bad idea, really bad idea. As it turns out most of my weekend was just one bad idea. Where to start.... ummmm yeah. So I feel like shit both physically and emotionally. Physically Ive managed to catch a cold from hell, and this was the weekend that I couldnt afford to feel like shit. Friday and Saturday were fine and then on Sunday I was dead to the world. I saw E this weekend. That would be the bad idea number 1, or was it. I dont know, I feel like Im not thinking for myself becuase Im trying to listen to everyone elses opinions about her. I know my friends dont like her becuase of all the shitty things that she has done and the way she makes me feel. But all the same it comes down to this: I love her and I will always love her, and she is trying. She is trying to be there more than she ever has before and maybe thats a sign that things are changing and there is a chance that she might actually pick me over anything else. Now I know everyone is thinking that this is a waste of my time that she will never pick me and that at the end of it all Ill end up with exactly what i have now, a broken heart. Heres the thing, part of me says i dont care, and the other part of me says that listening to everyone else might not be a bad idea this time. Ive always done things alone and never really let anyone in and as much as my friends know me and many of them get the no filter Sam, E has seen something else. She has seen me with my gaurd down, 100% vulnerable, angry, happy, sad, crying, screaming, everything. She may not be able to give me 100% but having her rub my back on friday was all I needed to feel like she loved me. Do I know what will happen... no, can I even predict what will happen... not a chance, but what will my decision be, who knows. Im just trying to figure it all out, piece by piece.

Shot Thirteen: Piece by piece... bit by bit.

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