time

Gibb taught me to never say your sorry, its a sign of weakness. I dont know what to think about KC's apology.

 "I just want you to know I never meant to hurt you. Sorry. I’m so sorry I just knew I couldn’t do it.

Be just friends. Because I like you.  Im sorry and I know. I told you from day one that im not good.

I know it not enough but im sorry. I really am sorry like I feel terrible.

I know nothing bad comes from being friends but you don’t understand me. I swear I never meant to hurt you like I did. "

I said a lot inbetween all of this, and i practically freaked when she said she liked me. This is all Im going to put here on this blog but the jist of our converstation has been saved and the only one who will read it is me and M. I dont know what to do or say or how to feel. I'm  just going through the motions. I still get that dopey grin but Im cautious. I dont want to set myself up for heartbreak once again. Im waiting for her to disappear, waiting for her to run, and Im trying so hard not to get my hopes up that she will be around for a while.

Time will tell, and right now I dont know if time is going to be in my favor.

my apology....

Im sorry. I wasnt there and I should have been. I knew. I knew you were falling apart and I wasnt there. I didnt catch you, kinda like every time you didnt catch me, although Im sitting here holding back the tears trying not to let you see that I just want nothing more than to hold you and cry with you. All I want to do is hold you while you cry and make things better and I know I cant. I cant shake the feeling of I knew and I did nothing. I knew something was wrong and i brushed it off. For the first time I didnt go running, until you said those words. And after all the angry words we once said and the feelings we once had or still have none of it mattered. I still run to you. I will always run to you. I will always be here. I love you. So tomorrow I will write a letter to you, cry in T's arms, and hold my breathe until i see you again on saturday....