Tuesday, November 27, 2012


I'm crying and you don't care. Im sorry that our landlord caught on the she was living with us when she wasn't suppose too. I'm sorry that I don't want to move and that I thought that living together was what engaged people do. But I don't feel like you want to live with me. and right now I just want you to kiss me and tell me you love me cause I'm so scared you'll walk out that door

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


Day 1 - I am thankful for Candice. She is the best thing that has ever randomly said hey on facebook, made the worst valentines day ever better, made driving 85 on rt 89, best first kiss, late night trips, that has ever happened to me. She takes care of me, spoils me, let me worry over stupid stuff, makes sure i keep up with my school work, and so much more. I am lucky to have dealt with enough disastrous relationships that I finally fell into a good one. I am thankful to be marrying my best friend, true love, and soul mate.   

Day 2 I am grateful for Jess and Laurel. With everything we have been through, thick and thin, they have always been there. No matter what we have fought over, and we have fought over some really stupid stuff, they have always been there. I am grateful for all the memories, laughs, tears, and moments we have spent together. Nose goes!

Day 3- I'm grateful to have attended bay path, where I was challenged to do more, stressed to the max, learned the most about my self, was given confidence to love and live, and where I made friends and connections that will last a lifetime.

Day 4- I am thankful to be healthy and that the only thing I have need was elective surgeries. And I'm grateful that my grandmother is healthy. The woman has had 2 surgeries in the last two weeks and has done amazing with both of them. She has her hip replaces, gull bladder removed, a lumpectomy, and an exploratory surgery all this year. She is an amazing woman and I can only hope and pray for many more thanksgiving and Christmases with her.

Day 5- I am grateful for family traditions. I love my weekend before thanksgiving celebration with 28-32 Hahn's depending on the year, and for their inclusion of all significant other. This day is the best day of the year, far better than Christmas or any birthday. When all of us get together its loud, crazy, busy, and the food is amazing and the booze is flowing.

Day 6 - I'm thankful for my little brother. We might have fought a lot and often don't see eye to eye but no matter what he has had my back since day one and is always by my side. It is also because of him that my parents are so accepting of my life and they are coming to terms so much faster because of him.

Day 7- I'm grateful for all my ex's whether we dated or were just a thing, without any of you I wouldn't be where I am today and if you hadn't let me go I wouldn't have found my happily ever after. To you all I wish nothing but happiness and how that you find someone who makes you their priority and rather than an option on a back burner. For some, I am grateful that we could still be friends and that we occasionally talk, others running into at the grocery store totally ruins my week let alone my day. But I thank you for making me stronger and a fighter because now I know what is worth fighting for.

Day 8- I'm thankful for the four years I had Laurel Park as my run away hide away spot, and having showed it to many people it was still my hide away, and that pond has seen more tears, heard more sobs, and listened to me talk (to myself).

Day 9 I am grateful for my parents who despite all their flaws and their stubborn ways they have come to accept me and my life and are actually becoming supportive.

Day 10- I am thankful for my kick ass in- laws to be. They are awesome, and as Candice would say her mom and I are best friends, and well sorry babe we truly are. I know her mom would be there if we ever needed anything and she is always a good shoulder to lean on. That and until hunter came to town we all know I was papa bears favorite.

Day 11- I am grateful to have had the chance to meet Trisna, and Ill just say trisna cause I still cant spell her full name. I am thankful that she came to stay with us in our country and truly embraced the culture and came to call this place her second home. Cant wait for her to be apart of the wedding because she truly became a sister.

Day 12- I am thankful for al our military personel who truly dont get paid enough for thier jobs or their sacrifice. Often the people who critize the military dont realize that the soliders have left thier families, friends, children, parents, and significant others, to protect us and keep us safe. So Raquel, Joe, Keith, Mark, Seve, Cory, Zack, Kyle, Amber, and so many other thank you for your service.

Day 13- Although I am not a parent, I am grateful to be apart of Liam's life and to have a role in his every day activities. I love that little guy and am truly  bless to be in his life. This year I have been blessed with a nephew and now he lives so close to us. Although he is here and missing his mommy I am proud to say that his parents are taking care of their family and I couldnt be happier to call them my family. And he is just too cute not to love him.

Day 14- I thankful for my extended family and how close we are. I find that it is hard to keep everyone together and i love that my family makes an effort to stay connected with eachother.

Day 15- I am gateful for my Aunt and Uncle who have know that I was gay for years and have always supported and encouraged me to be open and honest with my parents. I am grateful that they have stood by me through everything and have always offered their adivce.

Day 16- I am thankful for my ability to go to grad school and not have to worry about paying for it... for now that is.

Day 17- I am grateful for my new car and that I had an awesome sales guy who cared about what I wanted rather than trying to sell me something I didnt want.

Day 18- I am grateful that this christmas I will be celebrating it with both my families and I wont have sneak out to candices families house. I cant wait to celebrate the holidays this year.

Day 19- I am grateful for my childhood best firend Haley who has been around for me for the longest time and it never fails no matter how long it is before we see eachother or before we talk we always pick up like we have never been apart and Im so grateful that she will standing with me when I say I do.

Day 20- I am grateful that I have a life full of love, laughter, friends and family.

Day 21- This may be silly but I am grateful that Jess, Laurel, Candice, Andrew and I have game night every few weeks . I am grateful that we have made the effort to stay in touch and get together so that we will always be the best of friends, and I know that no matter where life takes us we will always find away to be together.

Day 22- I am thankful to be here. To be loved and cared for. I am thankful that I am finally myself.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

wooossshhhhh.... life update...

April 8th or 9th (not sure)- told my parents i was gay
April 18th- total my kia. stupid girl cut me off smashed into my kia sent me to the hospital. I had to call candice out of work because i needed someone to come get me and it was bad. I scared the shit out of her too.
May 5th- My best friend got married!!! Congrats Jess and Andrew

June 4-8th- go to the police academy in Vermont because papa clark said so.

July 14th- CANDICE ASKED ME TO MARRY HER!!! And I said YES!!!! my parents are pissed but whatever it is what it is and IM GETTING MARRIED!!! 

 Our wedding plans.... well right now we are set on all the ladies wearing lime green and there being lots of bright colors.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Coming out!


that is all.

Saturday, March 24, 2012


So I have rejoined the blogging world. When I got home last night, CC said to me that she had read my blog, and asked why I didnt tell her that i was blogging again. It wasnt that I didnt want to tell her that I was blogging, I just didnt think anything of it.

I have been really unsure of myself lately. She tells me that I will be able to do this program but I am not sure. There's a lot of work involved in this program and I dont know if I am going to measure up to the requirements that are going to be demanded of me. I dont think that Im going to measure up.

Which goes back to another fear of mine. If I don't pass, if I dont make it, will it matter? Her response, no it wont but it wont come to that. Actually I dont think that she said it would matter, it was more a vote of confidence that I would be able to do it. If I dont make it will she accept my minimal income and me? Like I said, Im just insecure, or stressed, or both.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

funny shit

FEBRUARY 6, 2009 5:31PM
So Funny I did not Change a Word
RATE: 87 Flag

This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the viole nt urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .

Wendi Aarons
Austin , T X

what if

Sitting at my future mother in laws house, because my girlfriend the cop got called into work on her day off and my day off. The plan was to get our new tattoos, go to stoddard to register my card... again. But instead the sheriff called and wants her to work at the courts. Seeing as we are going to his house for dinner tonight and he is her father, saying no wasn't an option. Oh well. I guess this is what comes with dating a cop. Id say it is what it is but it is what it is and it sucks. And she was being all cute and lovey dovey with me. It would have been the perfect day. But Im doing laundry, watching teen mom 2 re-runs, and answering the phones for moms answering service. 

I just. I dont know. Im lonely and Im nervous that I wont be able to pass the AT test or program and that I wont be enough. She is living her dream and her big kid job, but what if I dont make it. What if I fail and lose her in the process? 

Thursday, March 15, 2012


I want to lay in bed with you. Rest my head on your shoulder, have you play with my hair and just listen to you talk.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Welcome to the Real World...

Hello world! How have you been?

Me.. well Ive been busy. Plymouth gave us 6 weeks off from school, classes just started on the 30th. Its really weird seeing as everyone from bpc already started weeks ago. Its didnt take long for everyone to pile the work on. Now seeing as these are undergraduate classes one would expect extra work for the grad students taking them, right, right. Well by extra work they mean extra papers, not just presentations. I will be living in the library or glued to my computer for the rest of the semester. I must start making note cards now. First thing Dr. Coker said was this class isnt hard... its damn hard. And she is right, she is like bacon on crack. She talks faster and doesnt stop for breathers. Oh and her books cost a fortune! I need to do some chegg.com research. 

In my nutrition class we are focusing on nutrition...shocker, and dieting. This actually looks like it could be fun. The program we are using actually seems fun and easy to use. It lets you enter in what you eat. Like cereal, but it will actually recognize what type of cereal, like honey combs. We have to incorperate everything... even the sugar in our coffee. I think CC is really going to like this program, along with her new determination/fascination with going to the gym. Still working on that one. Makes me miss the days when i was working out everyday, I think. 

In other news... CC and I are going to North Carolina in like two weeks. Im super pumped! We are leaving after she works on the 15th and I go to class. Then coming back on the 19th. But shhhh dont tell. Its a surprise for her besties. Oh wait she already told them! 

Thursday, January 12, 2012

new year

Its crazy to think that this is a new year. It doesnt seem like a new year, it seems just like the old one, minus the promise of the world ending on 12-12-12. Personally I think that 11-11-11 would have been more whimsical. All the same the new year seems the same as the old year. School, work, facebook, gossiping, tv reruns, and the ever promise of at least one good movie this year.

Id say I pledge for a different year but honestly i liked how last year ended. I ended the year with an amazing girlfriend, amazing friends, and an amazing new chapter in my life. So instead Im looking at it differently, which isnt to say that i havent made a news years resolution because i have but Im viewing the new year as a chance to work on being happier and healthier while living the life I have imagined for myself, not the life others have imagined for me.

News year Resolution= Telling parental units that Im gay.

Life plan= work hard, study harder, laugh till it hurts to breathe, and love like crazy