Sunday, April 24, 2011

questions without answers


Im scared. You know I am and you fuel the fear. I know Im blowing it up to be bigger than it is but I also know that I hate that i care because I know that now that I care I cant let you go back there. I cant let you go back into a bad situation even though i wont let you lose everything over me. Im just a stupid girl with stupid feelings that are completely irrelevent to the real world emotions that are in existance. so... now what. do i wait for you? do i pray for you? do i yell? scream? beg? cry?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

...

Life has been crazy busy and I'm failing. I just want to sleep and make everything go away. I don't want to fight with S anymore, I don't want to cry anymore, but I can't let go, I can't walk away....

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

stop. pause. rewind. fastforward. the end

So this week I have not only been a slacker blogger but Ive been a stacker student, friend, ra, and student athlete.... and here is why.

Monday (4/4)....
Welcome to my hell week. I knew starting this week that I was going to have a bad week. The night before S explains to me that his sister is in the hosipital having seizures. He tells me the whole story and seems so calm and relaxed about it. That is what I admire about him, his ability to stay calm when the normal person would be freaking out amazes me. Anyway, needless to say the studying that i needed to get done wasnt going to happen and on top of everything going on S explains to me that I dont know or understand the relationship between him and I and well that just lead to lots of tears. We talked and cuddled and I cried and cried for hours. We fell asleep at 4:30 having resolved nothing and me not having studied for my looming lab practicle. After getting 4 hours of sleep I then got up and started cramming for my exam. At 11 I walked into the exam knowing I was going to fail, and once the exam was passed out my mind blanked and panic set in. After handing in the exam and figuring that i have no hope in passing my teacher gave me a lecture about being proud and not to be afraid to ask for help, especially when things happen unexpectedly. She also informed me that even if you put something off its still okay to admit that yes your planning sucked but in the end ou cant control the events around you. Needless to say she told me that I should have asked her if I could take it later and gone back to bed, but me being me, thats not my style.

Tuesday
After envitably bombing my lab practicle tuesday couldnt get any worse, or could it? My 8:00 am class was short and sweet, pt was productive and I got to be offically off crutches, class again at one which ment cramming information in before our lecture exam on thursday. Thankfully a girl in my class had the balls enough to ask the professor if we could start the lecture on the leg on thursday and take the test after the weekend. I dont think I have prayed so much in a time period. After what felt like ages she agreed and did us one better. She said seeing as our week sucked so much that we could have thursday off and take the exam on tuesday. Thank god cause I was not ready for that exam. After the exam B and I went to my home town to pay the deposit on the cupcakes for gala. I had the school credit card so I could buy the cupcakes in full but heres the kicker... they dont take credit cards. So after calling my boss and freaking out I withdrew 50$ from my bank account to place a deposit on the cupcakes that I would then need to pick up on friday at 3:00.  Next up spanish, inwhich the teacher made me feel stupid. After that we needed to make a banner for wacky wildcat challenge and did anyone get paper... noooooo. Our bosses were pissed but in the end it all worked out and our banner looked bbbaaannnggggin.

Wednesday
And let the true definition of hell week begin. After finishing my topic paragraph for jarvis and going to class the fun begins.  The Marcia H. Conrad award ceremony, with yours truely as one of the master of ceremonies for the event. I knew I was getting at least one award but I walked out with three awards and to top it off I got to go to dinner with my brother and my dad. After dinner with my dad and an awkward conversation about sex with S, which we arent having and wont be having for a good long time. My dad felt that it was important to inform me that he didnt want grandchildren any time soon. After dinner was my SGA meeting, which was great becuase peter was running it and after a quick meeting my RAs and I held a tye dye event to make things all green for the upcoming wacky wildcat challenge.


Thursday
Class at 8, Pt at 10. Meeting at 12:15. Then from one to four thirty I ran around getting things for gala. everything was good. Spanish at 430. and from when class ended till wack pep rally at 730 I desperately needed to do my paper. I got about a page done when I needed to attend the pep rally. We practiced our chant, scarfted down pizza, lite our sparklers and headed out to kick some serious ass. And we won!


Friday:
Gala. Paper due. Got up at nine to do favors. ran out of candy so one of my vps went to get some. ran out again so after my class i had to get some after getting cupcakes. it took forever. we were running late and i only had ten minutes to get ready. gala was a hit but all i wanted was to cuddle with S and I kept hoping he would just magically appear. After gala S picked me up, Z told him to make sure we had good sex which we didnt, and then scott and I got in discussion of hypotheticals which left him sleeping and me crying. I cried myself to sleep that night and he didnt even notice.


Saturday::
Bought my dress for JT's wedding and B, TJ, and I went to liz's wedding. I got set up with a new boy and Im looking forward to going out of it.

Monday, April 4, 2011


Heres to a hair pulling week.