fears and tears

I dont cry. Correction: I cry on two occations, the first being whenever I am in physical pain and the second being during whatever sappy tv show i am watching. Its usually that tv show that triggers every other emotion that I have kept all bottled up.

During my crying stint tonight (thank you Dawsons season 4) I have come to a few conclusions.

E- You are the best and the worst of me. I use to say that my true love and my best friend were one in the same and now I think that my best friend is just that my best friend. True love aside whether that is true or not you are one of my best friends and I love you. And that is scary and terrifying and almost life changing except you no long hold my entire heart and for that i am not sorry.

KC- I wish I knew how to quit you. Except that long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and thousand watt smile bring right back to where you have part of my heart that completely ruins me. You my dear have completely ruined me. I want to stand in front of you and tell you that you have to pick. You have to pick, you either get me the girl who fell for everything about you or the girl that turns around and walks away, because I cant be both. But the thing is you cant have me. Its too late. Im gone.

TB- In one short week you have become my world. I go to sleep thinking about you, I wake up thinking about you, and everything in between. I can be myself around you, curse words and burping included. But the truth is I miss you. More than i have ever missed anyone. I miss talking to you for hours and hours about random shit, i miss falling asleep with your arms wrapped around me, I just miss you.  I am falling for you hard and faster than anyone else, and I think about a future with you and it seemest to be the only part about my life that doesnt scare me. Grad school scares me, graduating scares me, thinking about a future with you is the one thing that doesnt leave me terrified. But you have to understand something about you being so far away, i am going to miss you. I am going to have days where I just want my girlfriend, and there are going to be days that i just need some tender loving care. But you picked me and all my crazyness, and it suck knowing that when i hang up that phone with you tonight my eyes will once more tear up in fear that i might not be enough.