Tuesday, February 22, 2011

it doesnt get any better than this....

Before I start I need to say that this is my life, and it is real. As crazy and stupid and mixed up dramatic as it seems, I dont want it to be any different becuase if it werent for the people and the heart break and the girl meets girl drama, I wouldnt have a story to tell or the friends that I have. Im smiling, Im laughing, and Im loving my life and every detail in it.
I am officially a horrible person. Now one may think that this RA basketball captain SGA president girl couldn’t truly have a mean bone in her body but it’s there. I think it is what is hiding under the shattered cynical pieces of my not so whole heart. Some days I feel like the Grinch and Im just waiting to get the part where my heart grows three sizes and bust threw the simplistic x-ray machine that Dr. Seuss created and then there’s the other side of me that thinks that if my heart grows more then it will just break more and the bigger the heart the bigger and harder the puzzle is put back together again.
So back to my being a horrible person. Why am I so horrible, because one of my friends who I have the hugest crush on but can never seem to get her to stick around, just broke up with the boy she chose over me. And I am horrible because I couldn’t be happier. I know she is hurting and she is trying really hard to be this hardass stubborn girl that I know and dare say love but she is hurting. He wrecked her and ruined her faith in love and people for that fact. And now Im sitting here, writing this, staring at my phone thinking maybe she will pick me this time. When she is ready maybe this time I will be worth it, worth the risk. But now I am her. Stuck between this crazy beautiful girl with a stubborn, devious personality, and this boy who is the only boy I’d ever marry. S has been the world to me. We have spent this past week together and Im not quite sure what it all means. He won’t commit to anything but it’s no secret that he and I are this cute fight like we are already married couple who just is. We seem to be everything every other couple has without the label that can seemingly ruin a relationship.
Oh, forgot to mention TB, dumped me, left me complete broken crying at quarter of one to M while S made the twenty minute drive in nine minutes to be with me and make me feel better. So back to S, he’s amazing. And we both enjoy each other’s company. Even B thinks we are cute together. And then there’s this girl. And by now you probably have guessed that this girl, is KC. Yes world, ssshhheee’ssss back. I wasn’t expecting it. I haven’t heard from her in ages and well I had kind of gotten use to her absence, which doesn’t mean that I haven’t tried to contact her cause I definitely did. But out of the blue she texted me. We have been talking all weekend and then today tells me she broke up with the boy that she picked over me, while reminding me that being a helpless romantic wasn’t going to help me win the who is a bigger hard ass me or her contest we now have going. KC is stubborn, obnoxious, devious, challenging, cocky, caring, and hard on the outside warm and fuzzy on the inside. That feeling of maybe she is the girl from me is almost equal to the feeling that I am suppose to ride into the sunset with S. So what do I do, who do I pick.  
I dont have an asnwer at the moment but I do know this.... I like the fact that for the last few days I have done nothing but smile.

Shot twenty: A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks- Charles Gordy

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