Tuesday, February 8, 2011

hearts and arrows

"my heart is in my hands
my head is in the clouds
my feet have left the ground
my life is turning around and round
and every voice inside my head is tellin' me to run like mad
oh bows and arrows
stars and sunset hey hey hey yeah hey hey hey yeah
every heartbeat every kiss just
makes me wonder what all this is
suits of armor, hearts and arrows hey hey hey yeah"

 And running like mad seems to be exactly what I am doing. I'm really happy with TB, really happy with her and just when things seem to be going in my favor everything falls apart. This past week I have been miserable. Id like to chalk it up to being a hormonal female but I feel like that isnt an option for me. I feel like Im taking that good thing in my life and putting it to the test. Can she deal with this? Can she handle me? Can she deal with the distance? Better question, can I? I thought I could, I mean Ive done it before with relationships in Albany and Portland and Ive never felt like this. Ive never missed someone this much, or felt so much anger at a mere three hours. Maybe this is how it is suppose to feel when you are being true to yourself and following your heart. My recent debate: I want to feel wanted and sometime I feel like Im just a bother to TB than someone she actually wants to be with. Now I know (after last nights conversation) that this isnt true but it still sucks and I know that just like the song, my head is telling me to run like mad but with every heart beat every kiss just makes me wonder what all this is. And right now this is like the snow, its going to stick around for awhile.  

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