Thursday, January 27, 2011


What do you do when you feel like giving up that you know that thats not an option? M would tell me buy a bigger drink and I wish that was the answer. Mentally Im done. Everyone can see it. My coaches. My teammates. I dont know what it is or how to fix it. What I want is to curl up in to TBs arms and hide from the world and my frustration, the other half of me just want to fuck someone up in the game tomorrow. Coach Kat asked us what motivates us. For me that answer was simple. KB. She is my motivation. With out her I wouldnt have made it through the last four years and I wouldnt have made it through this season. I need her. I need her to be there on senior day. I need her there holding my hand while we both cry. We do this for eachother. Without one another we wouldnt have made it. We wouldnt have survived.  There are eight games left and it seems I cant it slow down long enough to enjoy it. I am so frustrated with myself because every shot I take wont go in and then I dont have anyone on my team who tries to pick my head up. I want to win tomorrow. I want that feeling. I want the joy of winning. I want to feel like we are all on the same team, playing against someone else other than ourselves.

In eight games its over. No do overs, no second chances. There is no next season, next year. Eight games and its over and this time after senior day is not just that its over till we move on to something else its over over. Its not like high school where we then have a chance to play for four more years, its all done. Something I have done for the last seventeen years is suddenly over.

Eight games to cap off 17 years, eleven seasons, three trips to the cage, one shut out first half, one buzzer beater win, one ejection, one brawl, and one league champship. Eight games to end it all.

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