Monday, October 24, 2011


i love you. not because i have to, but because i can. nobody told me to chase you. nobody told me to look at you. nobody told me to give you a chance. i made that decision. i picked you. i choose to love you, to let myself fall in love with you, to be yours. And thats the point. I am yours. I look at you the same way I looked at you back in February, and in march, and in april. When we have sex its not about the action, I look at the beauty, the passion, feeling of your touch.  You are beautiful and your touch still sends chill up and down my spine. For the last week you have been far away and i have missed your touch, but its like being back to february, cause that smile the crossed my face everytime you texted me was back, and all my face muscles got a full work out with all the smiling i have done. So maybe or texts changed when you were away and we were all cute and lovey dove, maybe we missed each other more, who knows, but what i do know is that when i look at you i get butterflies. When you come into a room, i smile, when Im in a room with you and whoever else i still feel like the only girl in world. When you hold my hand, it gets that first time we've held hands feeling. You know that clammy sweaty feeling. When you wrap your arms around me its the safest place in the world.

So 5 months 2 weeks and 6 days into this adventure and I still get the same feelings I felt back all those months before I told you bestfriends then boyfriend that our girlfriends were weird. I admit I never really asked you out. Never said the words will you be my girlfriend, but I ddint need too. I knew it was what you wanted and you were just waiting for me to be free from my messed up situation. And for that I thank you.. I thank you for waiting and for picking me. You believed in me you picked me and you waited for me. So now I wait for you. I wait for you to fly 14 hours back to me.

So November 5th, marks 6 months, and your doing top secret stuff with your bro and im here impatiently waiting while i have nothing. I have nothing planned, no gift, card, nothing. Epic Fail on my part. But 6 months, is 6 months toward forever.

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