Saturday, October 30, 2010
flashback
Flashbacks. Its like a movie in flicks. Just pieces. His face. The sound. The panic caught in my chest. Its been awhile and through the years I have eliminated the triggers of these dreaded things. Ive eliminated all but two triggers... when people move away while im sleeping curled up with them and whenever someone grabs my arm. Last night was no exception, from the moment S's arm moved from holding me in my comfortable little spoon position it started. First just black and white. Running. Praying the key would work. Hiding in the corner of my room. And again, except different. The next movement he made subconciously pulling me closer only to role over sent me spinning into another. This time more flicks than anything else. white knuckles. silent tears. counting backwards. It was all there, it all felt so real, yet this time I was safe, protected, nothing was going to happen to me. These flashback take control and it may only be for a few seconds but in that moment I am paralized until my eyes snap open and i can see the familiar walls of my dorm.
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bestfriend. i know how these flashbacks are. i know how hard they are to handle. when you have them. writing it down will help. even just on a piece of paper and throwing it away. i promise that that helped me. another thing, remember what i said last week. if you're down or upset or need to talk, come to me. i dont care what is going on in my life. come to me <3 love you, mean it.
ReplyDeleteI know all too well what you are talking about love and it saddens me that so many of us deal with these flashbacks and terrors. We are all too young and strong to have a past with these kinds of terrors. I know it is on an entirely different spectrum because I do not even know my terror but I still live with the same fears and pain as so may others. Although it is no consolation because the phrase has become something that everyone says when they are uncomfortable or do not know what to say but "I am sorry". You are one of the few who could know how deeply I mean that and I am ALWAYS here for you just like you have been for me so many times over the past four years. I honestly don't know what I am going to do without you come the end but we are two really strong women and we WILL survive all obsticle. <3 MRS
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