choas

So this week has been seriously crazy. Ive been go go go all day everyday. Basketball preseason has begun and I am loving every minute of it. We have a lot of talent and its exciting to have a group of girls that truly want to play as a team. J is truly my motivator and always keeps me laughing. KB and I have been waiting for this for the last two years and we are laying everything out there. Risk nothing gain nothing right?

On a totally different note, I have truly realized that no matter what you never realize how much something means to you until its almost gone. Two girls that I was friends with got into a serious car accident, and in panic they called me. I don't know why but I really like knowing that they felt they could call me. Their okay now but the last thing I heard when they called was no you cant fall asleep. And that was scary, really scary. You can never really anticipate those kind of phone calls and I never thought I would be hearing something like that. I know it sounds crazy but it makes you appreciate what you have and how quickly it can be taken away. To add to the stress of my week, the anxiety I was feeling earlier in the week didn't go away till late Monday. And it might have just gone away because I was masking it with something else. My something else... i told a friend that i was feeling really anxious and that i just need her to come and chat and make me feel better, and well she couldn't do that. And it wasn't that she couldn't, she didn't want to because she wanted to go out and have a beer. To make matters worse yesterday she was all pissy with me cause I didn't want to go out. I believe I a reasonable excuse but she still treated me like shit. Now, I don't know how to tell her I am angry with her or how to tell her that I am not the teddy bear that she can kick around and then hold when she has a nightmare.

"Lately, nothing I do, ever seems to please you
And maybe, turning my back would be that much easier'
Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange
But I can't watch you walk away"